Knowing Black through White

Broken road

2010-10-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

We walked together, for miles. The road seemed to be never ending. But I didn't mind. His hands held me tight. I had no reason to complain. Shade and light, dusk and dawn, rotations and revolutions… One step at a time… We rarely spoke… There was nothing important to be said. Be and being. The sun never left the horizon and the moon longed to arrive. The ocean was far away. We heard the waves fight with the land. The battle was never ending.

As I closed my eyes, I heard him whisper my name. I turned to see in his direction. He was standing far away, staring at the distant horizon, at the edge of the cliff. I walked towards him. My footsteps filled the silence. I stood next to him. We were looking in the same direction. I smiled to myself and he caught a glimpse of me. He pulled me close to himself and held me closely. This is the most beautiful horizon I'll ever get to see, I told myself. He read my thoughts and held me tighter, almost embracing me. I rested my head on his shoulders. His hands comforted my head as I closed my eyes. No words were spoken. No words were needed. Nothing was to be heard. It was all known. Everything stood explained in that moment. And that moment lasted forever.

The sun drenched in the moonlight and everything below the sky glowed, like never before. A teardrop slowly trembled from my eye, rolling down the cheek. He held it in his palm and then looked deeply in my eyes.

"Lets lie down", he whispered.

I looked at the ground beneath our feet. An ocean of grass covered the moist earth. His arms were wide spread, his skin caressing the grass. His fingers embraced an ounce of earth. My head was resting over his chest, so close that I could hear every beat of his heart. I held him tight, not wanting to let him go. He didn't want to go away either. But one of us had to play wise about it. He broke the silence and the tear remained in my eye.

"Don't think too much… You know, I hate to see you this way…"

"All of this will soon be a dream… And I will be living this dream for the rest of my life…"

He didn't say anything. His grip hardened over me. The tears finally found their way out of my swollen eyes. My heart went numb with pain. His trembling shook my numbness. I knew that he was weeping from within. He took my left hand and caressed the ring that he'd given me.

My fingers were ice cold. The sky went darker as heavy clouds clearly hid the stars that were seen. Everything around us slowed down. Only time refused to pay heed to the rest of everything. Time never listens or hears.

The two of one

2010-10-15T00:28:00.000-07:00

One heedless night,

Lovestruck, they stood.

So far away,

engulfed with shivers.

Borders to seek,

boulders to be kept.

The millstone of the world

never letting them near.

Studied eyes

and breathless wanderings.

The sore of the swell,

sinuous and pondering.

Alone in the swarm,

their souls - they met.

Wanting to tremble,

waiting to be swept.

How long to behold?

How much is to be seen?

Unknowing, they loved.

Not knowing, they lived.

The blur of the eye

for a lifetime to see.

So grim to speak,

ever widening and bleak.

The clasp of the lips

embossing the brazen skin.

The pill of sweat

kneaded the musk of skin.

Too far, too gone

with dreams that were born.

A lonely soldier

and the never ending war.

Reckless desires,

stumbling on pith.

Chosen surrender

and yet the bliss.

The never ending rotations

of endless nights.

With written promises

on the river, that flows.

A ghastly squall

groused beneath the earth.

Poor, wordless verdure

were rooted so firm.

Only if they could say,

only if they could hear.

All said and done.

All done and gone.

She and him (Inspired by Fyodor Dostoevsky's 'White Nights')

2010-10-15T00:27:00.000-07:00

There he was,

forsaken and rapt.

No-one to see,

no-one to hear.

A world unseen

with words unsaid.

Quiver and trembling

his only guests.

By his bed,

the willow tree stood

veiling him away

by the rejected brook.

His angst and will -

the never ending scene.

The long haul

never dull, never gone.

There she was,

waiting for him.

So many words,

so many songs.

She wrote them all

with ink and blood.

The fervent yearning,

the directionless soul.

Clueless she sat,

by the river-side.

Not a word from him?

Not even a sigh?

The crease on the head

A tear was born.

The eternal lull -

waiting to be gone.

That dire night,

She saw a flame.

Her granny's locket

in the window, it chimed.

And then she knew,

it was a sign.

Cold, her hands

and feet, they stayed.

Didn't move an inch,

failed to sway.

Her fingers traced,

the molten wax

The over-whelming calm

of a starless sky.

Miles of darkness

No milestones to match.

Beneath his skin,

he felt the twitch.

Why didn't she come?

The shudder within.

The rain yelled, the brook

snarled and roared.

Who would hear?

He laughed to himself.

Drenched with distress,

submerged deep inside.

Killing the light,

without a sigh.

This is it,

this is the end.

He closed his eyes

and mumbled to himself.

By the window,

her endless wait.

Her dusty finger,

painting the pane.

She knew he'd come.

She'd seen the sign.

Pebbles on the road,

gleamed in the moonlight.

The hazy air

the moistened eye.

Between heartbeats

were missed breaths.

Stony traces

the void, they filled.

No stories to be told,

No humbling of the core.

Their tale -

untold, it was doomed.

Just footsteps and rustling,

no spectators, no remorse.

The crimson moon,

unharmed and virgin.

The earth too far,

blurry shadows to cast.

Memories, a lost key and the closed door

2010-10-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

You’ll end up liking everything about the ‘one’.

Things that you never liked before, songs that you’d never hear otherwise, places that you’d never travelled before, words and ways you’d never spoken, clothes you’d never wanted to wear, food that you never thought you’ll ever eat...

Everything...

Everything about you will be about the ‘one’... till you lose yourself from top to bottom, never to be found again. Never wanting to be rescued from here. This is it. This is where you want to be. This is where you want to live. This is where you want to die. This.

Everything about you will slowly evaporate... your likings, your choices, your friends, your family, your routine... you will live for the ‘one’... and thank God, day and night, for this.

Your dialled call list will start and end with the ‘one’ and every call in between too.

Almost every message in your outbox will shriek the name of the ‘one’

You’ll feel lost without a reason when the ‘one’ is far away, you’ll cry and think life is hell, for no rhyme or song. And then unexpectedly, when you hear or see the ‘one’, you’ll be the happiest and have the biggest smile on your face, no matter how fucked your day has been!

You won’t judge yourself insane even when you’ll find yourself swinging around a tree, thinking about the ‘one’ before you eat your morsels, floating on the clouds and walking on water, lying down on your bed and feeling the ‘one’ holding you and caressing you, imagining the ‘one’ singing all the ‘songs’ for you and dedicating every verse and word to your existence.

When you’ll see two people together, holding hands, you’ll seal your eyes, say a prayer, bless them and then smile tenderly to yourself.

Flowers, breeze, sunlight, angels, hearts, pink, yellow, bright, butterflies, rainbows, fire-place, chocolates, smiles, happiness and lot of other things of these genre will define your reality.

You’ll find a song for you and the ‘one’... the wall-paper of your phone, lap-top and pc and everything possible thing will show the ‘two’ of you together... Your key-chain will have a lucky charm that reminds you of the ‘two’ of you...

You’ll take the journey, even if this is not where you thought you’ll go... you’ll walk miles and miles, under the rain and the sun... the smile will never leave your face.

At times, you’ll question yourself, why am I here? Where am I heading? Is this where I want to go?

And then, you’ll turn around and look at the path you’ve already walked on and you’ll see how far you’ve reached... and then you will smile, close your eyes and think about the ‘one’ and start to walk ahead.

Every bruise will make you smile, every thorn and every stone.

You’ll walk, and keeping walking.

And one day, abruptly, while walking down the street, you’ll find that the key is missing.

Memories, a lost key and the closed door is what you are left with.

Quickly, you’ll turn around and look for the ‘one’...

You’ll find a jaded piece of paper, no date on it though...

And on it, scribbled emotions saying, “The love got over...”

You’ll look for foot-prints... you’ll search for a sign... you’ll want to hear a reason...

Nothing.

You’ll scream, you’ll run, you’ll fall, and you will die.

The impressions of the key are fresh in your palms. Where did it go? When did it fall?

‘But true love never dies...’, you’d heard it somewhere.

Your friends will try their best; your family will be clueless about your struggles.

Blood, dark-circles, a hair-cut, lonely drives, sudden cravings, tears, entangled fingers, darkness, endless blank days, staring the clock and watching every second pass by, vodka, night out with friends, random sex with strangers would be the new you.

You’ll love the soreness. You’ll get pleasure from the tenderness. Especially the part when the skin trembles, as the knife touches the surface and slowly goes deep, deeper within you...

It’s a trip.

Drugs, of any kind, be it sleeping pills or LSD, will occupy your body, more than food.

You will laugh instead of smiling. Whine instead of crying. And you will love it.

People will scare you. Faith, trust, hope and love are abuses, you will say, loud and clear and will make sure that everyone hears it.

Cupid will be killed. And blood will be all over you.

Enjoy the bliss!

Man and kind

2010-10-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

Heavy heart,

Frozen mind,

Fading path,

Unseen sight,

Entangled fingers,

Lonely soul,

Stabbed glasses into walls,

Each away from its own

Trembling roots,

The vacuum of earth

Gumption of self

And pride of worth!

No clinging,

No quotes!

In bound,

Out sourced

Living in,

A crazy pose!

Wiser miser

Pretty dough!

Halo jarred,

Stumble on core!

Deep eyes,

Wispy tongue

Slither here,

Slaughter there!

Fate twists,

Time falls!

Holding on

And passing by!

Ceaseless wonder,

Bright eyed vice!

Away from now,

Away somehow!

Fall behind and shine twofold!

Turning away to accepted end

Washed away regrets,

Clogged up veins.

Stroke of white

The celebration of black!

Shadow steals light,

The tremulous whole

Sooner or later,

Thy shall know,

One way street,

Runs both ways

The sound of silence,

Echoes through void

Unmeasured miles

Of a broken road

Shallow well,

Swollen hands

Arrow of soul,

The bend of shoulders.

Harness the calm,

The stage is set.

What more do you want?

What more do you have?

Drifter

2010-10-15T00:23:00.000-07:00

Sunlight creeps,

A heart beat heard.

Water to the brim,

Touched and served.

Alone he wandered,

The trembling sky

Disguised and long lost.

Bird below the tree,

The empty cloud staged.

Bird aghast,

Cloud playing sane!

In shade, it glows.

Brightest light for cloud,

This is the world.

Bird, now, hates to fly.

Stained glass

Unhearing faith

Knotted memories,

Crying hope!

Mere humans,

Darkness through light

Speaking eyes and swaying ears.

Jaded eyes,

Unseen path

Glory and rant,

Death and rise!

Sole of a man - sigh of an arm

Endless race,

Reckless mind!

A divine plan for a passer-by!

End of street.

There's always a turn.

Or door,

Or window,

Or you,

With... you

Deep down,

Beyond darkness

Strange light, Flash!

End of the tunnel.

The journey begins...

Marker fades,

Inglorious love

Destruction of self - smile that spreads

Lonely world - full of self

The ruler ruled.

Books burnt, eyes spooned.

The groggy waist,

The modern thought.

Below the bellow,

Burn and wrath!

A faithless night,

The fire burns...

Wanting to ignite

Letting it dwell

The dead of the dark

His sighs are heard

The crossing rat

Bows in a pray

Sheets of skin

Folded and kept

In the arms of light

Voyeur and voyage,

Twisted in rapture!

End of the end,

The break of fate

He wanders alone

He wonders aloud

Stones, twigs and broken self

Spread across

And put to sale!

Price of none,

Put for all.

Beaded head

For an endless dream

A thought of own

Sealed with scarlet

The ship ashore

With sails in see

A grain of sand

Quenches for sea

Wordless mouth,

His eyes thus spoke

A sedated tale

Of kingdom lost

Blades of rain

Wept in anger

The hollow path

Unwound at his door

Peek within

To peek outside

Thawed brain, grilled meat

Moist tongue, swollen limbs

A greater good

A greater God!

A million times I said, A hundred times he heard.

2009-08-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

He broke me with an embrace,

Doubting me and my self!

A million times I said,

A hundred times he heard.

I wanted him to listen,

He wanted to speak.

True love breeds no distrust,

I wanted him to know.

He said he knows it all

And gave me away with a shrug!

I snivelled, I trembled, I tried.

But the damage had been done,

By someone out of sight!

“Where did I go wrong?”

I tried to make sense of it all.

“I can effortlessly prove”

And then he killed me down.

A love that does not listen…?

My heart yelled aloud.

The voices in his head

Were stronger than anything around…

A love without trust makes no sense at all

He said it again and I heard,

And agreed with his sound…

I wanted him to see,

In the eyes that gave solace to him

But he chose to stay far.

So that he could not see!

‘This is it! It’s over…”

He blurted with strength and ease!

I was numb and drained,

It’s over, it’s over for him!

So what happens to everything…

That dwelled between us?

A love that is boundless, a love that is true…!

No, I don’t get to choose.

He says he’ll think of it!

Think of love?

Close your eyes and feel.

An island I live on now,

Surrounded by the dreams we had seen.

Where do I go from here?

How did he escape from here?

Numbness dwells with me.

I wait to see the void.

Never unheard, Seldom Unseen.

2009-08-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Stumble and fall,

Crazier than haul,

A lonely frog,

Hibernates in fall,

Worked up ego,

Smaller than all.

Sun on the horizon,

Frog refuses to rise!

Make some noise, someone has a voice?

A humble wish,

Yet no bliss,

Walk on path,

Hold and gasp!

The frog now leaps,

Through grass and weeds,

A million drops, a million sighs!

Under the sky,

Broody yet high,

Sleeps under the willow,

Ego said bye!

The frog woke up with fuzz and smog!

Mighty eyes,

Insane and sort!

Jumpy heart, wiser and awed!

Splendid and drab,

Vocal yet sad,

Hold and it slips!

But lingers on through the trip!

Tracing the sound of light,

Tracing memories lost back in time,

Never unheard, Seldom unseen,

Yet the hope.

Lonely and gone,

Tried under the pawn,

He looks at me with eyes that gawk!

I wonder.

He looks.

I look.

He gulps!

Lonely hope,

Dwindling paths,

The jaded sun and the holy wrath!

Eyes that seeks and ears the see -

Broken yet strong, unaided of sorts.

After the storm

2009-08-02T03:29:00.000-07:00

*AFTER THE STORM*

3 weeks later and life still chose to walk on the broken road. Yes, the pain of the heart easily qualifies as worst that has ever been known to man-kind. Or so I thought.

Trying hard to get over him with the help of many anti-depressants, chocolates in every possible form, shape, size and colour, litres of vodka and gin, shopping, extra weight, songs and caffeine… I was still sick!

Yes, I tried to work… and I did work too! Surprisingly, sometimes it was great work and most of the times work ended up being washed away with tears. ‘Live with it now’ my mind whispered.

My wet eyelashes drew patterns on the lenses of my spectacles, using them as canvas. ‘Art in vain’ I told myself and tried hard to laugh. More patterns!

Hugging myself at nights… maybe one of them will feel like his… maybe one of them. But nothing will help! Nothing at all…!

And then, when one least expects it… comes the turns…

I saw him.

After a hard day of work, covering up my moist eyes in black shades I was on my way back home with a few colleagues. Feeling secured behind those breakable glasses, I got into the car.
‘California Dreamin’ on such a winter’s daaaaaaaay’… The radio was playing the character of Oracle. Gospel Truth, none the less!

Everyone had a week-end plan. I did too. Kill everyone who seemed to be in love!

Sigh. Only if it cured.

I tried to sink into the seat and craved for it to absorb me… deep within it.

My colleague suggested, ‘Yoo Hoo, anyone from some hottie…?’ She meant coffee.
‘I’m game…’ I whined.

The signal before the café and I was peeping out, observing the ‘others’ and trying to find someone from my side of the horizon. And then… right then… he drove away in his car.

Not behind black shades… there he was… going away again!

I didn’t know what breathing was right then and the only muscle that made its existence felt was my heart.

My neck sub-consciously made my head turn to keep him occupied in my sight as long as I could. If only it would turn 360 degrees…!

‘Someone you know…?’ my colleague inquired.

The glares were professionally hiding my emotions behind them as I allowed him to move away from my vision.

‘Just a sprain in my neck…’ I mumbled and made sure that I did not choke.

I craved to yell... But only if he could hear me...

The cracks in the dam were increasing and I needed to be alone.

‘Could you pull over…? I need to meet a friend…’

I took a taxi and allowed it to disappear in the city of blinding light as my tears were back to where they belonged.

This is how it ends... The stories have all been told...

2009-03-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

This is how it ends... The stories have all been told...

“Leave me and walk away… No don’t walk, run away… Far, far away and never come back. But listen, while leaving, will you turn around and look at me once? No… Don’t… I don’t want to see that look in your eyes, I can’t. I won’t. I can’t.”
Silence.
The late winter breeze made the chimes cling. And I heaved a sigh.
A sigh of soreness… A sight of loss…
“I wish I could transfer my hatred for myself to you…” he said.
More tears… and he started to walk away, probably never to return back to me.
My eyes stayed on him. A part of me that wanted him to turn back and look at me and part of me that wanted him never to look back again.
I was broken into parts. Two, or maybe more.
“This is it. Go and stop him, will you?” My mind was unable to fathom the source. Where was this coming from? The part that wanted him back or…?
My lips went through the abuses that my teeth made on them. My nails deep in my flesh, warm and wet with blood. And then he turned.
My welled up eyes created a blurry image of him. I closed my lids and opened them again to look clearly, the tears now mapping my cheeks and making their way towards the end of their journey. The crying turned into a piercing silence.
He started to walk toward me. My heart went on frenzy.
And then he stopped.
Did he stop mid-way? Did he stop closer to where he was? Or was it closer to me?
My eyes traced the steps he’d taken.
The knowing touch of his hand and I stopped breathing. I could hear him breathe. He came closer and my nails went deeper. My tears reached his shoulder and I found myself hugging him.
Yes, A part of me, wanted time to freeze there, right there. My eyes chose to stay shut and my hands gripped him tighter.
‘He has to leave, let him go, this is it… It won’t go beyond this, Good-bye is all we have…’ my mind started the monologue. And I craved to yell again.

Craved.
His grip eased on me. Time to say good-bye.

Way back into Unconditional Love

2009-03-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

Way back into Unconditional Love

We've heard songs about it, seen it in the movies, heard it talked about on Oprah by relationship experts, and read about it in thousands of self help books. But, what is unconditional love? We all want to feel loved. We think about it, hope for it, fantasize about it, go to great lengths to achieve it, and feel that our lives are incomplete without it. The lack of unconditional love is the cause of most of our anger and confusion. It is no exaggeration to say that our emotional need for unconditional love is just as great as our physical need for air and food.
It is especially unfortunate, then, that most of us have no idea what unconditional love really is, and we prove our ignorance with our horrifying divorce rate, the incidence of alcohol and drug addiction in our country, the violence in our schools, and our overflowing jails.
Our misconceptions of unconditional love began in early childhood, where we saw that when we did all the right things—when we were clean, quiet, obedient and otherwise “good”—people “loved” us. They smiled at us and spoke in gentle tones. But we also saw that when we were “bad,” all those signs of “love” instantly vanished. In short, we were taught by consistent experience that love was conditional, that we had to buy “love” from the people around us with our words and behavior.
So what’s wrong with conditional love? We see it everywhere we look, so what could be wrong with it? Imagine that every time you pay me fifty dollars, I tell you I love you. We could do that all day, but at the end of the day would you feel loved? No, because you’d know that I “loved” you only because you paid me. We simply can’t feel fulfilled by love we pay for. We can feel loved only when it is freely, unconditionally given to us. The instant we do anything at all to win the approval or respect of other people—with what we say, what we do, how we look—we are paying for the attention and affection we receive, and we can’t feel genuinely loved.
For the most part humanity understands little of what the word ‘unconditional,’ means. Unconditional means… "NO CONDITIONS." This lack of understanding is what has divided man from man and religion from religion throughout his sojourn in the physical reality. It is again man’s ego trying to grasp the idea, and not being able to surrender to its meaning. Let me demonstrate. The one common thread that I have found weaving through man’s many belief systems is; God is Unconditional Love. I have yet to have anyone tell me, that this is not so. It seems to be accepted by all belief systems that are centered around a creator. Unconditional love means unconditional freedom. Love and freedom are two of those words that are interchangeable. Freedom of choice is unconditional love, unconditional freedom. Choice is another of those words that are interchangeable with Love and freedom.Now it must be made clear in this example, that "unconditional," means, that there are no "conditions," to Love. That "unconditional" means no "conditions apply"
Love and freedom are the same, if there is a condition to freedom then it is not unconditional. Freedom is given from unconditional love. Freedom of choice is the same thing as unconditional love; they are all the same thing.
A New Definition of Love: Real Love
There’s only one kind of love that can fill us up, make us whole, and give us the happiness we all want: unconditional love or true love. It is unconditional love that we all seek, and somehow we intuitively realize that anything other than that kind of love isn’t really love at all—it’s an imitation of the real thing.
Unconditional love—true love—is so different from the kind of love most of us have known all our lives that it deserves both a name—Real Love—and definition of its own: Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. It is not Real Love when other people like us for doing what they want. Under those conditions aren’t we just paying for love again? We can be certain that we’re receiving Real Love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated at us. That is Real Love (true unconditional love), and that love alone has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together, and create relationships quite beyond our present capacity to imagine.
What we Do Without Real Love: Imitation Love
If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, power, and the conditional approval of others. Anything we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of Imitation Love, and although Imitation Love feels good for a moment, it never lasts and never gives us the feeling of genuine happiness that Real Love provides.
Most people spend their entire lives trying to fill their emptiness with Imitation Love, but all they achieve is an ever-deepening frustration, punctuated by brief moments of superficial satisfaction. All the unhappiness in our lives is due to that lack of Real Love and to the frustration we experience as we desperately and hopelessly try to create happiness from a flawed foundation of Imitation Love. The beauty of Real Love is that it ALWAYS will eliminate our anger, confusion, and pain. So how do we find this universal cure?

In order to know that there is such a kind of love, we had to have read it somewhere, seen it in a movie or somewhere, sometime, someone showed us a glimpse of it. Right? Wrong. We were born knowing unconditional love. It is a gift, a birthright given to us from the very beginning. It’s the conditioning once our souls take on the human form that limits our belief in unconditional love. It’s erased and replaced by conditioned thoughts of the world. We learn our actions cause reactions. We learn that we are either good or bad. We learn What is acceptable and what is not. That becomes our point of reference, removing us far away from what we were born with. After time and experiences it almost seems hopeless to return. It is true that seeing glimpses of it in movies and books confirms in our hearts that it does exist. We are told that it is only fantasy. That it is the fantasy we are craving. Not true. Our spirit is craving what we knew from the beginning. We need to take the time to find out what “unconditional love” is for ourselves instead of Depending on someone to do it for us. If we aren’t clear on what it is how will our needs and desires get met? We expect someone to give us something but we aren’t clear as to what that “something” is. Following that path, we will always be disappointed. We will always place people in position to let us down; all the while they have no idea what we are expecting from them. If we are unable to express our need in a clear manner there will be no one that will understand. If it is not clear to us it certainly will not be clear to them. Finding your true unconditional love means finding the true you. When was the last time you really focused on finding out who you really are? So in reading this, the answer sounds easy but how do you begin? Where do you start to begin this path of finding unconditional love? You must work through painful experiences that create anger or bitterness in you. Why did it happen? What was the lesson to be learned in it? Be grateful for the people that were put in your path to help you with that lesson, rather than resenting them for hurting you. It is absolutely impossible to unconditionally love yourself if you harbor bitterness, anger, guilt or any other feelings that are not love. When looking through your “looking glass” you see things as you have been conditioned to see them. That woman smashed into the back of your new car because you feel you don’t deserve to have a new car. The kids are disobeying you because they don’t care about you. Your partner is angry because you blame them for things and it’s not their fault. It’s all bad luck; if it weren’t for bad luck you’d have no luck. Hear that before? It’s how you look at the lessons that will make your journey easy or difficult. Clean off your “looking glass” and let’s get started. 1) Focus on who you are. Write down all the qualities you know about yourself. For example; (You love helping people, You love working with children, You are creative and so on.) Write them down so you can actually see the wonderful qualities about yourself that you know are there. 2) Practice speaking out loud all of the things you deserve. You deserve that new car, you deserve people to respect you, and you deserve unconditional love. This is called affirmation. When your subconscious hears the words it starts to believe them. But you must do the work because no one will do it for you. You are in charge. 3) Find a way to return to times and places that bring up resentful, fearful feelings where your needs were not getting met. If you don’t feel like you can do it alone, find a “coach” or therapist, or a friend that will help you feel safe and loved during the times of recalling these events. Talk about them. Get honest, healthy, and safe feed back. Your ultimate idea of a bounce back partner is your life partner who is in your life to help you grow and heal these areas. The idea here is to recall them, feel them (pain and all), and then release them, let go to open up another room for unconditional love.
4) Recalling the event or person will give you a starting point. Recall the people involved, recall how you felt, and what should have happened instead to meet your needs. How would you handle it today, knowing that you deserve to get your needs met, knowing that you deserve unconditional love, and knowing that in order to receive unconditional love you need to give it. 5) Feel the pain that the event and people caused you. Go deep inside, feel the anger, feel the hurt, feel the rejection, feel the disapproval, feel how alone you were at that moment in your life.
6) Cry.Cry. Cry. And when you are through crying all of the tears you have over it, think for a moment how that situation would be handled today, knowing that you deserve to get your needs met, knowing you deserve unconditional love, and knowing in order to receive unconditional love you need to give it. 7) And finally, release the past, release the pain, and forgive. Forgive means to stop being angry about or resentful against, to relieve from payment of. To relieve from payment of the past is the step that will bring you to unconditional love. The world owes you nothing. You were born deserving it, so was everyone else. We are here on our journey’s to help each other heal. Learning how to love yourself unconditionally., creating your dream love by being clear on what you are looking for and be sure that you are able to provide that for yourself before expecting someone to provide it for you, that’s where you will find unconditional love.

How to survive THE HEART-ACHE...

2009-03-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

Survival ‘guide’ and How to Fight ‘the’ Heartache… (We all need it…)

So when you know that things have gone beyond understanding and you can’t TAKE IT ANYMORE… When the heart ache is barely bearable and nothing… Just NOTHING makes sense at all… All that you need to do are these things…
- Take a cold shower directly on your face (eyes closed obviously) and listen to the storm building within you.
- Take your i-pod and go for a run, and keep running till you hear your hamstrings begging you to stop. Physical pain reduces the heartache (for a while atleast)
- Have an entire can of whipped cream and relish and be loud about how you feel… Go ‘ummmmmmmmm’
- Take a walk by the beach and let your eyes look at the sky as you walk… No, you won’t fall…
- Listen to Simon and Garfunkle… Heals! Heals! Heals!
- Don’t curse the loser… Bless him/her and smile… (*sigh* I know it’s difficult… but one can TRY)
- Go to the grocery store, shop like there is no tomorrow and don’t forget to admire every little thing that you buy
- Don’t even bother listening to sad, lovey-dovey songs. That goes for movies as well as books. Don’t go close to anything that will remind you of ‘worldly love’
- TALK to your closest friends and cry, if need be.
- Do you how many steps do you have to take from your home to your favourite den…? …NO!
- So get out and get going and find out… you need to know a lot about ‘your favourite things’
- Buy flowers for yourself from those lonely street children and then take them for a walk and buy them ice-cream and try and get to know innocence… J (You can do this even without having a heart break…! ;)
- Play ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ and dance like there is no tomorrow. (You might end up crying while doing it, but DON’T STOP)
- Catch up on all the gossip that you have been missing and think how to spread it further
- Develop a HUGE CRUSH on a celebrity and feel good about it…! Fuck yeah!
- Text message all the people who mean the most to you and let them know that they do… (You’ll end up feeling more loved than ever)
- Cook a homely meal and call you BFF’s home for a VIP lunch/dinner
- Go to a bar and try all that you haven’t Psst Psst only stuff that is on the menu :P… (Note – please take a friend along you who can trust to drop you home safely)
- Ask your boss to give you more work… And work like a BITCH… Do it all…! And treat yourself to Mocha truffle after a hard day of work
- Buy some body butter and (cherry blossom one’s by BODYSHOP) make yourself feel goooooooood…!
- Watch ‘The Sound Of Music’ and sing along LOUD…! (Very Helpful)
- Lie on your couch and let your head touch the floor and breathe…
- Adopt a pet… and shower all your love… They deserve it more… Trust me!
- Read Paulo Coelho’s Manual of the Warrior of Light (Don’t ask… READ!)
- Paint a tee saying ‘Romeo and Juliet suck!’
- Have the image of a dead cupid as your wallpaper. (It’s available on google.com)
- Listen to music, so loud, that all you hear is silence
- Have 5 Jolly Rancher lollipops a day and suck it loud and slurrrp it up!!! And don’t feel guilty about it!
- Hug your mom and cry your heart out and tell her, “Please don’t ask a thing… Just be there… Please…’
- Light up your room with aroma candles and then ask your friends to come over for PJ’s
- Throw a surprise kitty for your mom and her closest friends and watch her being happy.
- Think of the loser… every time you go for a leak and say his/her name loud and say, “This is exactly what you deserve” and laugh like a witch…!

This Thing called Love...

2008-05-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok... i know this might sound weird or crazy or post-insanity stuff or whatever (BlahShit!!!) Lets call it "Compromise"... or even better, lets give it a phrase..." The Barter system"... but (Please! Please! PLEASE!!!) lets not abuse it by calling it as "Love"....!
"Love" - How often do we use this word in our daily lives and end up literally, physically, practically, well almost in everyway abusing, degrading, distorting, crapping, killing, raping, murdering the very meaning of it!... Without most of us even knowing the true meaning of "Love" We talk about it as if we know what love really is! How many of us really know the true meaning of this word?
According to Dante, he writes about Love in his master-piece 'The Divine Comedy', "The day that man allows true love to appear.. all things will fall into confusion and over-turn everything we believe to be Right and True"
Makes sense?
I asked my best friend today over a cup of coffee, "What does Love or a Relationship (now that he is "committed") mean to you?" and he smiled and said without even giving it a second thought, "Responsibiltiy.." "But do you think Love means Responsibility?", i asked him back and he looked at me with a weird, hard to define expression and said, "Well relationship and love are both different stages.. Let's not compare the two" "But don't you think even a Relationship is born from love... then why didnt you say... Love? You didnt even mention it as a by-product of a relationship.. Why Responsibility and why not Love??" I had got my answer. His silence answered my questions. And its not only bestie but many others whom i have known...
We tend to forget the true meaning of love... We loose the spirit of love somewhere in transition and translation of our needs and desire... and fail to achieve and know the pleasure... the joy... the true meaning of love..
What we know is... Desire!... Needs!... Wants!.. and we still shamelessly call it Love!
Love.. Love is Unconditional... It's like when you love someone so much that all that matters is the happiness of that someone, regardless of that someone being with or without you! That is love! But do we have the courage of seeing this someone we love into the arms of other.. Happy.... Satisfied and in "Love"... Do we have that courage? Do we have the power to Love?
Well We all do infact we are born to do so, but Are we ready to Love someone truly? Im not talking about Compromises that people very effortlessly term as a "Relationship" which is conducted on the principles of Barter...!
Im talking about Love... Unconditional Love... Love that is capable of loving without being loved!
ARE WE READY??

BitterSweet Symphony

2008-04-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

Well... The Best Thing to happen to any artist is to get inspired!! And hell yeah! I got inspired when i heard the song "The BitterSweet Symphony" while i was driving around Marine Drive with a Friend. I was meeting him after a long time but as i heard the song playing in his car... Everything around me just froze! I stopped talking to him (which got him really really REALLY Frustrated!) and kept on playing the song over and over again! I ended up listening to the song about 20 times in those two hours that i spent wid him :) The next thing i knew was i was @ Planet M to buy the C.D and then i ran home and got it on my Pod! I heard it about a 100 times in the past one week and Guess what?? I ended up writing a short film script. I read the script to one of my Mentor and she "looooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeedddddddd" the script and asked me to shoot it asap!! I shot the movie on Saturday,12th april,2008... Gonna edit it asap and then show it to my Mentors and faculty and Friends! The rushes seem to look pretty amazing! and yeah... the song is the HERO of my short film!!! :) Kudos to the creators of the song! :)

Me, Cash & Cruz...

2008-04-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, lucky i was to get the special preview passes to Rahul Da Cuhna's new directorical play titled, 'Me.. Cash & Cruz' which is a tribute to Mumbai and Mumbaikars. The play was staged at N.C.P.A Experimental on 11th april,2008. Rahul's amazing skills as a writer and his unbelievably believable characters takes the audience on a journey of the city from Bombay to Mumbai! It starts in 1984 and ends in the Millenium... what was really impressive about this show was the artistic sets that complimented the soul of the play and the impressive transitions used to leap years and emotions! Rajat Kapur and Amit Mistry were as impressive as ever! Ofcourse there were the cons as well.. Neil Bhoopalam, who played Kash(yap), at times overdid his part and that stood out like a sore! At times, his perfectly polished diction did not flow with his acting skills! He failed to communicate the chronicles of the character... The lights could have been done in a much better and creative way.. there was so much of scope to play with the characters just by using the lights! But all is well that ends well! The show got a standing Ovation for the audience which it deserved to the core! Hats off to Rahul for writing such a amazing play! Kudos to Amit and Rajat and Yamini for bringing that extra zing to the play!

"True Love"

2008-04-08T11:28:00.000-07:00

I Believe in one saying that has been born somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind, heart and soul... "When we find true love... it's almost the end...." As ironic as it is, it's stands true if we deeply close our eyes and ask ourselves, our inner being.